There is a part of me that wishes my husband and I had more in common. Really. We have like, nada. I don't even know how we managed to get together in the first place with how little we are alike and I guess that bugs me to some extent. I know that opposites attract...and well...we are a sure example of that.
Case in point. This vintage wool tie. I think it is awesome. Rowdy doesn't think so. I knew the very moment I picked it up at the thrift store that he wouldn't like it--but I did it anyway--hoping that maybe he would because I did. I was somewhat disappointed when he laughed at it because I really yearn for us to like the same things. We just don't. And it really scares the both of us when we think about the moment that the kids are gone and what we will do with that time. I don't want to be the kind of distant married couple who spend their days in opposite ends of the house doing things that interest them as individuals. And yet, it is REALLY hard for me to show an interest in what he likes and it is REALLY hard for him to show an interest in what I like.
It's not even all about showing an interest--it's about DOING that thing you are un-interested in with your spouse.
I am curious how to change that.
So many times Rowdy will make a stop somewhere that I want to go saying, "I know you want to do this" and it is SO hard for me to enjoy being there knowing that it is not his cup of tea. I do the same thing for him (sometimes without even complaining, mind you!), but I would love to do something that we both enjoy at the same time.
Now, I am not saying that there is nothing we like to do together. Just that there is so much more that we think differently about. I believe your spouse should be your best friend, and to me part of that means liking and doing things together that you both love. It just kind of makes things go smoother I think.
Now, I am not saying that there is nothing we like to do together. Just that there is so much more that we think differently about. I believe your spouse should be your best friend, and to me part of that means liking and doing things together that you both love. It just kind of makes things go smoother I think.
So, what is your experience? Do you have the relationship where you are like-minded or do you sway more alongside what we experience? And either way...how does it all work out for you?
I'd love to know.
My husband and I are just like you and your husband. I have gotten used to doing many things alone or with friends; however my husband is good about doing thing with me that he knows I enjoy. Maybe, you can find one thing that you both like.
ReplyDeleteI've sometimes wondered how my husband and I fell in love too. We're very different but our differences have complemented one another.
ReplyDeleteAnd though I know I will never get him to ballroom dance and he will never get me to wakeboard, we love being together, just talking, or watching a movie, or even shopping. Just being together is fun.
Maybe I haven't been married long enough. 5 years?
Well we've only been married for almost 5 years but I am right there with you. It is so hard and frustrating. Sometimes the only thing we have in common is tv but we talk about the shows and watch them together. But mostly it's both of us wanting to d different things. I like to do cheap easy things with our kids so they'll remember that we did fun things and I like to be outside and he complains the whole time so I let him pout till he gets over it :) but I do his cra...stuff...too. Yard work and house projects usually keep us working side by side but don't think it's just all rosy cuz one time I got so mad I threw something at the wall and it knocked so many HUGE holes in it. I repaired them but sometimes fighting is our thing in common but hey at least when we fight we're figuring more out about each other. Haha. My parents have been married for forever and they have nothing in common but somehow they find things and that gives me hope. I guess it's the little things.
ReplyDeleteI could have written that post if I possesed the skill with words that you do that is... My hubby always says that he is surprised we co-exist in the same place because we have very little in common. We watch different shows, like different foods, like doing different things, etc.... Just something we have gotten used to I guess. Looking forward to seeing some of your responses.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to this, although I'm not sure our differences are quite as stark as yours. The things that really matter to us are similar- the gospel, our goals, etc. We're big cheerleaders for each other in the pursuits we enjoy, and we try to indulge each other and take part in some of the activities that are not our favorites to make each other happy. I've often thought we should choose a new hobby that we can find interest in together, but it isn't something we've made time for yet. Right now our kids are our biggest shared "hobby," and in this stage that's ok, I think. But I totally hear you on the differences sometimes being frustrating.
ReplyDeleteI am in the same exact boat. We couldn't possibly be more different than we are now. Our love languages are different. Our likes and interests are different. Our tastes, talents, hobbies, eating preferences -all miles and miles apart. And I have the same concerns and question marks.
ReplyDeleteThis is what we have found so far: We both like Asian food. We both like some family-type sitcoms, and history, food, or animal related documentaries.
The similar interests pretty much end there. We're working (well, I am -I don't think he's real concerned about it) on finding things to do together...
I'm trying to become more into exercise & outdoorsy stuff.
If you figure out a secret, please share!
My husband and I have different interests as well, though I must say they are more similar now (at 39 years of marriage) than they were when we started.
ReplyDeleteFor example, when we were first together, he didn't read for pleasure. Now, he reads as much or more than I do! You will find that you do sort of grow together over the years.
Having said that, I will never enjoy watching sports ad nauseam on TV, and he will never be into reading poetry (other than the poems I write). That's okay, because we agree on the really important things like what our family means to us and what our goals and deeply held beliefs are.
And by the way, after the kids leave, romance kicks back in. Because you actually have time for it!
;)
I read a book with my toes tucked under his leg while he watched football. After 17 years, I've actually started to enjoy going to the movies and he ... um, I can't think of any things I enjoy that he's adopted. Being a cheapskate? Does that count as a hobby?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, he still golfs and I still read and we've come to peace with most of our differences.
I actually never thought about this until I read your post. I don't think John and I have very many hobbies in common. In fact, his favorite things to do and my favorite things to do are completely different. However...I don't think it's been a problem for us. I have found that the most important thing is that we THINK the same things...like how we feel about politics, raising children, spending our money, education, church, etc.
ReplyDeleteSo when all is said and done, I don't really mind if he wants to go blow stuff up on a Saturday morning, and he doesn't mind if I want to spend Friday night behind my sewing machine. Because hobbies are really not all that important, anyway. He's got my back and I've got his--and I'm sure it's the same with you and Aaron. That's really all that matters, anyway.