Sometimes it's hard to find the words...

Many a nights have been spent with my drowsing off to sleep while Aaron plays sweet melodies on his guitar. They are always blue-sy and edgy in a damien rice/dave matthews/jack johnson style. They are usually melodies he has created or songs he has written. Some nights (okay most nights) I slam my pillow around and say "can you puh-leeese play something softer with less of a dark-I-am-drowning-in-a-pit-of-despair-feeling?"

Last night was a moment of reflection for me though. It was so calm and quiet in the late night. A cool breeze blew as we heard the rain fall in huge drops just outside our open window. The most desired falling to sleep circumstances; lights off, cool freshly laundered sheets, snuggled into my pillow with Aaron next to me playing his guitar. He played the song he wrote for me that begins with sometimes it's hard to find the words, and it was just... sooo... perfect.

Aaron started to play when he was 16 because "chicks dig it." He took a few lessons and then basically taught himself to play by ear because he couldn't read music. There's a great story (on video) of him playing at a ward talent show. He told everyone he wrote the song and all his friends believed him... until that one day 5 years later when Adam Lenhard heard it on the radio:)

I met Aaron at SVU (it was Southern Virginia College when we were there). I remember a moment in the main foyer when he had his guitar and said, "hey! Come on over here. I need a friend!" Since I was everyone's friend, I bounced on over and we sang songs as he played. I was so impressed that he did it by ear and well, he was pretty darn cute.

Once classes ended an hour later, about 25 girls waltzed into the room to hear him play as well. I quickly left because "woah--I was not THAT girl." I was a challenge to him after that. I brushed him off over and over, but he kept on coming (not used to being brushed off ever). Eventually he did what every average guy would do in his situation and auditioned for the part of my husband in the play A Doll's House with no acting experience just to get to know me better. It worked.

Two months later we sat outside late at night while he played his guitar. He said, "Marry me." I told him to go pray about it.

The next night he played me a proposal song (apparently he had prayed about it) and 4 months later we were married.

There have been nights of sadness, fear, joy, pain, happiness, anger, laughter and love. All with the memory of the sound of his guitar throughout. I have yelled at him to stop playing, I have stomped around the room in disgust staring at the thing that takes away my husband when I want to have a deep conversation about the follies in our relationship (don't we all?), and dreamed about crashing it on stage like a super cool rock star (uh-oh, did I say that out loud?).

And then I have praised his well-written lyrics, clapped my hands as he plays for our friends, and felt the purest of joys as his voice and strings sound in perfect harmony.

8 years later I lay in bed, loving the sound of his guitar playing as the rain falls softly outside our window, thinking how much I love this man and his guitar.

Sometimes it's hard to find the words.

Happy Anniversary, babe. (15 days late, I know)