my thunderstorm

image found here

Tonight, or today, or whenever it is, I ache. I am experiencing more emotions than I dare describe. My life right now is full of thunderstorms, and I don't quite know when the rain will let up.

Yesterday, or today really, I took myself and my two children on two planes and a five hour car ride home, without my husband. He is still in Utah in the hospital; recovering from one of the most traumatic series of events one could imagine.

It began with a simple four minute airport check-in delay. We were late, we knew that, but we ended up waiting in line so long that the time limit was up. There was no compromise. Standby here we come. My husband, my mother-in-law, my two children and myself waited for plane after plane to fly to Denver, and then on to Salt Lake City (and then to Logan) for my brother-in-law's wedding.

We split up three different times. My MIL needed to go first because it was her son's wedding, with my husband second in line because he was preparing the food for the rehearsal dinner. Then the kids followed suite as long as there was an adult with them, and I was last because I was the least needed to be there on time. And so that's the way it went.

We got lucky on the very last flight (the next day) because four people could go. That meant Aaron and the kids and my MIL could be at the rehearsal dinner on time, and we were so thankful for that. But I was left behind.

When I had finally arrived in SLC, everyone else was safe and sound with the rest of the family. I didn't make the last shuttle, and so I was left to literally mourn for three more hours until the next one arrived to take me. My emotions were raw and my eyes had been in a constant teared up state since our first attempt at going standby. I was ready to arrive at our destination and be reunited with my family. I couldn't ask anyone to come get me because they were all where they needed to be. I just had to wait.

Apparently, during my two hour shuttle ride Aaron had begun to get very hot and tired. Some thought it was altitude sickness, but a short hour later he turned for the worse and was immediately rushed to the ER. That's when I got the call.

I was taken to the ER to see my husband the moment I got into town. I knew it could be three possible scenarios. His Multiple Sclerosis, his Gitelman's Disease, or both.

I was right.

His potassium level had dropped to a 2.1, with the average range for adults being 3.7 to 5.2. Pretty serious. It seems that unfortunately for us, our flight experience had sent his body into shock. He had been sick the week before with very little sleep. Add on the stress of standby for two days (with again, no sleep) and you have the perfect breeding ground for two very greedy diseases to come out and play.

When I saw him for the first time, he was almost comatose, and for the next two days it was the same. When he awoke each time, he vomited. He couldn't eat or drink. He couldn't open his eyes because he was so dizzy, and his speech was completely slurred when he tried to talk.

I tried to remember the last times we were in the hospital when we discovered each disease 4 years apart. What his symptoms were? But none of them matched up. It had never been like this before. This was new. This was two completely unrelated diseases fighting for their rights. And they were both winning.

We missed the wedding. I couldn't leave him. He didn't even know.

Slowly, as his potassium levels rose to an amazing 3.5, he began to recover. He was awake, he could eat again, he could walk a little. And so we were on to the road of recovery. It would be a slow one...but he was awake!

Our plane was scheduled to leave on Monday. I had doctors appointments and school orientation and so much overwhelming preparation that I had saved for when we got home, not to mention the cost of having to change so many tickets. The Doctor told us there was no way he would be able to fly on schedule, and he would definitely have to stay in the hospital for a few more days. There were two options, let my MIL go home with my kids to Florida and I stay with Aaron, or I go instead.

I had a decision to make, to leave or to stay, and my heart still yearns to know if it was the right one. To choose my children or my husband. Who should even have to do that?

The prognosis at this point? This thunderstorm is still raging. I am alone here trying to keep myself together and be a mother at the same time. He is sick there (with the support of his family), but he is still there. I haven't seen him-my funny husband-in a week. I miss him. I miss what should have been, without his sick body. This burden is so hard to bare, and I am lonely.

Rain rain go away, come again another day.