Monday, August 17, 2009

my thunderstorm

image found here

Tonight, or today, or whenever it is, I ache. I am experiencing more emotions than I dare describe. My life right now is full of thunderstorms, and I don't quite know when the rain will let up.

Yesterday, or today really, I took myself and my two children on two planes and a five hour car ride home, without my husband. He is still in Utah in the hospital; recovering from one of the most traumatic series of events one could imagine.

It began with a simple four minute airport check-in delay. We were late, we knew that, but we ended up waiting in line so long that the time limit was up. There was no compromise. Standby here we come. My husband, my mother-in-law, my two children and myself waited for plane after plane to fly to Denver, and then on to Salt Lake City (and then to Logan) for my brother-in-law's wedding.

We split up three different times. My MIL needed to go first because it was her son's wedding, with my husband second in line because he was preparing the food for the rehearsal dinner. Then the kids followed suite as long as there was an adult with them, and I was last because I was the least needed to be there on time. And so that's the way it went.

We got lucky on the very last flight (the next day) because four people could go. That meant Aaron and the kids and my MIL could be at the rehearsal dinner on time, and we were so thankful for that. But I was left behind.

When I had finally arrived in SLC, everyone else was safe and sound with the rest of the family. I didn't make the last shuttle, and so I was left to literally mourn for three more hours until the next one arrived to take me. My emotions were raw and my eyes had been in a constant teared up state since our first attempt at going standby. I was ready to arrive at our destination and be reunited with my family. I couldn't ask anyone to come get me because they were all where they needed to be. I just had to wait.

Apparently, during my two hour shuttle ride Aaron had begun to get very hot and tired. Some thought it was altitude sickness, but a short hour later he turned for the worse and was immediately rushed to the ER. That's when I got the call.

I was taken to the ER to see my husband the moment I got into town. I knew it could be three possible scenarios. His Multiple Sclerosis, his Gitelman's Disease, or both.
I was right.

His potassium level had dropped to a 2.1, with the average range for adults being 3.7 to 5.2. Pretty serious. It seems that unfortunately for us, our flight experience had sent his body into shock. He had been sick the week before with very little sleep. Add on the stress of standby for two days (with again, no sleep) and you have the perfect breeding ground for two very greedy diseases to come out and play.

When I saw him for the first time, he was almost comatose, and for the next two days it was the same. When he awoke each time, he vomited. He couldn't eat or drink. He couldn't open his eyes because he was so dizzy, and his speech was completely slurred when he tried to talk.

I tried to remember the last times we were in the hospital when we discovered each disease 4 years apart. What his symptoms were? But none of them matched up. It had never been like this before. This was new. This was two completely unrelated diseases fighting for their rights. And they were both winning.

We missed the wedding. I couldn't leave him. He didn't even know.

Slowly, as his potassium levels rose to an amazing 3.5, he began to recover. He was awake, he could eat again, he could walk a little. And so we were on to the road of recovery. It would be a slow one...but he was awake!

Our plane was scheduled to leave on Monday. I had doctors appointments and school orientation and so much overwhelming preparation that I had saved for when we got home, not to mention the cost of having to change so many tickets. The Doctor told us there was no way he would be able to fly on schedule, and he would definitely have to stay in the hospital for a few more days. There were two options, let my MIL go home with my kids to Florida and I stay with Aaron, or I go instead.
I had a decision to make, to leave or to stay, and my heart still yearns to know if it was the right one. To choose my children or my husband. Who should even have to do that?

The prognosis at this point? This thunderstorm is still raging. I am alone here trying to keep myself together and be a mother at the same time. He is sick there (with the support of his family), but he is still there. I haven't seen him-my funny husband-in a week. I miss him. I miss what should have been, without his sick body. This burden is so hard to bare, and I am lonely.

Rain rain go away, come again another day.

18 comments:

Erin said...

oh carrie...i am so sorry to hear about the recent traumatic events engulfing your life (lives) right now. it is unimaginable and no one can feel what you're going through. however, you are one of the most positive people i know and keep that up during these times. know that many, many people are thinking of you and keeping your family in prayer. it will get better. :)

ReviewDiva said...

You and your family are in my thoughts...

Almostgreat said...

I love you Cakey!! And even though it feels that way you are NEVER alone! You are loved and missed and worried about, and you are in our prayers! I will definately pray for you to have peace and strength. Good luck getting things ready for school and hug your children. They can tell when you are scared. I wish I could come visit to help out until things are easier. But please do not forget, ever, you are loved.

aimee heff said...

Freaking MS. I hate it so bad. I'm thinking about you and sending healing thoughts to your husband.

Jenna said...

I will keep you and you hubby in my thoughts and prayers. Who the heck am I? A woman, wife and mother that was completely chocked up reading this post. I got to your blog when you posted on MMB. Now I am a follower.

Good Luck with getting ready for school and being a single Mom for a little while longer. You can do it!

gkgirl said...

i'm so sorry that you are going
through this...

i wish there was something i could
do...something i could say...

all i can say is that i am
thinking of you throughout
the day...and sending you hugs
and strength...

xo

Stephie said...

Oh, dear Carrie. I've been checking your blog the last couple days, anxious to hear what has happened. I'm sorry your storm is still continuing. Our prayers are still with you. Take care and know that you are loved by so many people. You are a strong woman. You'll get through even this.

staceyj76 said...

How frightening! you're in our prayers!

Summer said...

I have been thinking of you non-stop! I am so sorry you have to go through this. We are keeping you guys in our prayers!!!

Rachel said...

Oh, I wish, I wish, I wish! But since wishing isn't enough, I will keep you in my prayers.

Pasion Family said...

Carrie,
I am so thankful for Heavenly Father and the comfort that He gives us through our trials. I am praying for you...

wilkinson_fam said...

I've been waiting for this post. Oh, how I wish the situation may have been different. But it's not.

You can do this, girl. You are loved and You are not alone.

JoCo said...

i love you and we are praying for you!

Living in Tally said...

You are still in my prayers. I have been thinking about you constantly. Glad to hear that the potassium levels went up. No one should ever have to suffer these things. I know I don't understand, but we are thinking of you and praying for you and your entire family! Hugs xoxo

Christina said...

i am praying for you.

Mo said...

You are so brave to go through this and brave to write about it. I hope things get better soon!

Momma Twitch said...

Holy cow, I had no idea. Let us know if he needs help with anything while he's still out here.

Anonymous said...

You have a wonderful sense of your emotions and incredible strength. I can't imagine how hard this is for you. We are thinking of you and praying for you both.

When we went through our trials with Cooper, you were there for us and wrote some amazing things that truly touched our souls. I wish I had the same strength of words and could return the favor.

I know the words don't really matter and any communication from a friend draws light into a very dark part of life. We really do care about you guys.

...and don't tell Aaron that I got all emotional. I don't want him to know that I'm really all soft. Tell him I wrote something really manly and called him a wuss.

Brian

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