Saturday, September 11, 2010

What every new soccer mom should know


  1. Bring a water bottle for your kid.  Every other mom brings a water bottle, and if you don't, your child will remind you that every other mom brings a water bottle and that they must care about their child's hydration more than you do.
  2. Bring a blanket/and or chair.  Every other person in the entire field has carried theirs in a pouch on their back that screams "I am so prepared" when you are not.  This will come in handy when the sidelines are covered in mud and you are the only one left standing knee deep in it.
  3. Don't scream louder than the coaches.  Your kid will get confused and look back and forth and back and forth and then miss the ball that came right in front of them and could have made a goal.  And then you will get blamed for like, 10 minutes after.
  4. Make sure you know all the players names.  That way when you yell "Good job, Miranda!" you won't be embarrassed later when you find out it was "Amanda."
  5. If you have to bring your other children, make sure any items bought for them from the concession stand during the game equals the same monetary amount that you buy for your soccer child after the game. Otherwise, miss soccer smartie pants will tally her brother's snow cone, pretzel, and ice water to equal more than her own treat.  And mention that she was the one who worked the hardest and that you are playing favorites.
  6. Bring string cheese and apples so you don't have to go to the concession stand. 
  7. Don't ever be late for practice.  Especially the first two practices in a row.  Because then you come off as the late soccer mom.  And you can never give that title away.  Ever. 
  8. Try to get a good nights sleep beforehand.  That way you won't accidentally fall asleep for a split second during the practice/game...standing knee deep in mud...and then drop your purse in it...and then get some really wierd glances your way from the other soccer parents who are sitting comfortably in chairs that they were smart enough to bring.
  9. Remember to pull your soccer girl's hair back in a ponytail.  That way when another mom offers to give you a band because your daughter is obviously not doing well because her hair is falling in her face, you won't feel like a total loser.
  10. Remember it is only a game.  And this new soccer mom title is now yours for life.  Own it. 

14 comments:

Jocelyn Christensen said...

LOL! That was priceless! Right now I am swearing that I'll never have my kids join soccer, because I think it takes a lot of time and I'm a volleyball girl myself (I don't understand sports where you aren't allowed to use your handS!?)

But in the future, when I completely go back on that promise to myself...I'll be re-reading this post! LOL Very nice...

MoraPiggy said...

hilarious!

Amy said...

I'll keep this in mind. :)

Liz said...

Fun! We love soccer - and I still have to remind myself to remember that it is just a game!!! My kids love it when I am watching, but don't love it if I am giving them pointers...

The Martos Fudge said...

thanks for the tips... They will come in handy next season...

The Martos Fudge said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sara said...

Like

Sandy said...

Very insightful....sounds somewhat similar to a "baseball" mom (if there is one). I always look forward to reading your blogs.

Charlotte said...

Even after a couple years, I still manage to forget half these lessons. I am just doomed to be THAT soccer mom. The one who just might be playing on her iPhone for part of the game.

Mary Seals said...

I've been that soccer Mom. Proud of it. No idea what the names of the other kids were. Missing a shin guard, mismatched clothing, shirt 8 sizes too big, and cleats 1 size too small. I couldn't care less what the other, more prepared soccer Moms think because I was THERE, and that's what my child is going to remember.

Jennifer Ricker said...

abby just started soccer and i swore i'd never be one of 'those parents' who yelled from the sidelines...but there i was at her first game saturday screaming 'START RUNNING' 'GO GET THE BALL' 'GET IN FRONT OF IT!!!' i swear i can't help myself:) but at least i brought water;)

Megan said...

totally! Jacob played for 3 years (and sadly didn't want to play this year). I remember one day, he stopped mid-game, glared at me and yelled that he was supposed to listen to the COACH! and not me. Have fun!

Braden said...

You forgot the most important tip: Don't start. Don't sign your kid up for soccer. Buy them a Wii.

Jocelyn Christensen said...

This is my favorite post...and as proof, I was even the first one to comment when it went up!

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