(Teacups ride at Disney World)
Sundays are a day of reflection for me, and although I am in a land far away from home right now, I feel impressed to write down my thoughts. Perhaps to sort through them, or perhaps it is my meager attempt to understand through words all that I feel. Whatever the reason, as I sit in the house that my husband grew up in, I am overwhelmed with feelings...feelings that especially this holiday season...must be told.
Last night I was with Rowdy at THE donut shop in Columbus, Ga. Golden Donuts is apparently the place to go for the creamiest glaze and light texture known to man. I fought him the whole way. "It is at night and they are not warm. I only like them warm. I don't believe that they are the best donuts and I really don't want you to prove it to me. They will never compete with Krispy Kreme. I won't eat them." But he waited in line regardless for the dozen of simple glaze and I pouted in the neon yellow swivel chair by the window.
I heard the bell on the door ring as two men entered. One was dressed clean and professional in his attire and the other one dirty and old and obviously not sober. The first man quickly gave the waitress some money and said, "Give him a donut and a cup of coffee" and then left and drove away. I watched the old man stand at the counter as he waited in line for his pre-paid goods. My eyes welled up with tears as I witnessed this simple act of kindness...one that I don't often see.
While we were leaving I listened curiously for his choice in sugary confection. Instead, and to my surprise, I heard him ask for the money that was given. He didn't want the coffee and donut to feed his physical body. He wanted the money to feed his addiction instead.
I was glad that the waitress didn't give him the money in exchange, and I left feeling so sad at what I had seen and heard. I thought how upset the first man would be to find out that his generosity was taken for granted. I bet he would have felt hurt and most certainly unappreciated. But in that same thought, I remembered that the first man did good regardless of the result. So it didn't matter what happened in the end. Ultimately his act of kindness was all that mattered. In the end, he will be blessed regardless of the choice of another.
The day I left on my vacation this past week I found out about a serious trial that my family must now face. The complex that I manage has been bought by new owners and without telling me, they decided to close the deal while I was gone and replace me with another staff because of their goal to self-manage. (the company I work for manages for the owner--so it is the owners that are new and the management company and I will both be leaving).
I have been very good at my job. I have worked hard and excelled with a property that needed my help. I have provided a way for it to be sold in excellent condition to find the very best person to buy. And yet, it didn't matter. My goodness and cooperation is now at the mercy of someone else. Someone who has taken me for granted and literally...tossed me aside. During the holidays. While I am on my vacation. When I am most vulnerable.
We now have to uproot our family once again and move to another property that I don't necessarily want (although it is such a blessing to have the management company that I do who will give another property to me). And I am searching for the reason. What the purpose in all of this...is?
Unfortunately, unlike the kind man that I saw last night, I DO see what has happened to my offer of coffee and a donut. I Do feel the damage of the transaction between a drunk man and a waitress. I am left wondering why my offer was not good enough. I am left wondering the reason and I feel the need for a deeper understanding because frankly, this really really sucks.
But in that same thought...I realize that it doesn't matter.
In the end, I did good regardless of the result. In the end, I did my best. I know we will be blessed because we made that choice.
...to give that coffee and a donut.
...to give without knowing what would happen in the end.
...to simply GIVE.
Today on my day of reflection, I feel that it will all work out. Somehow, beyond my understanding, we will be okay.
Golden Donuts are definitely the best I have ever tasted.