Monday, August 20, 2012

Convincing


I have come up with a few reasons why it's OKAY to have a baby a good 7+ years after your first 2.

+While they are in school all day you get that one-on-one baby time.  It's like having your first all over again
+Babysitters!
+I can sleep when the baby sleeps :)
+Extra hands when you need a diaper or burp cloth
+Fun older siblings to look up to that will do things parents don't always have time for or want to do (ex: movies, shopping, treats etc)
+College expenses won't be so overwhelming with all the kids in school at once
+I'm probably more emotionally mature to handle things than I was with my earlier kiddos

Anything else? Anybody wanna give a high five to the idea?

This Mama needs convincing in order to make a well-rounded optimistic decision because I read this and it was super disheartening...

Seven or more years apart (from this source)
I put this category distinct from five and six years apart because once you get beyond about six years spacing, the older sibling becomes more like a parent to the younger. Granted, a seven year old is not very “old” when your baby arrives. But by the time your baby is two and three, you will have an almost baby-sitter on your hands as well. Siblings that are spaced this far apart rarely bond the same way that sibling spaced less apart do. And this can be very good or very bad; sometimes the sibling pair really hits it off and the older has a soft spot for their baby. But you have to help create this dynamic through modeling and opportunity. Otherwise, the temptation is to get two very independent people who just happen to live together, or an older sibling that resents having to take care of them self and the younger baby. So you have to watch out for this.
That said, I know two mothers who have had children almost a decade apart, and three of them—one in the twenties, one in the thirties, and one in the forties. These mothers may have had their first too early when they weren’t really ready and then went back to career. They enjoyed working and had the second when they were really ready, in the early thirties when other people were having their babies. Then when they were thirty-nine or forty they had an “accident” pregnancy or just decided they wanted to have another baby in life. And they really liked this. I think they liked it more than the siblings did. For whatever reason, it was really fulfilling for them to bring up children eight to ten years apart, and they felt like a completely different person each time they had a baby. I don’t know about how the siblings will feel about this when they’re older… I suspect they will find it harder to relate. But maybe not if they live close together and can start a good relationship when they’re older.

16 comments:

Courtney said...

I don't know if I've ever commented before, but this will be a doozy!

I've never heard such nonsense in my life! How well and what kind of relationship a child has with his parents and or sibling is entirely dependent on the atmosphere in the home and how involved parents are in the lives of their kids.

There is no perfect formula for spacing. A child born into a loving and devoted family who will cherish them regardless of age and sibling spacing or if there are any siblings at all is all that is needed for the children to thrive.

The older kids will love to babysit, they will love the extra cuteness and anyone, regardless of their age can adjust to a new way of life if they have the right attitude and support.

You may now be proceed with being offended if you like :)

Mary Seals said...

I didn't even read the whole thing. Whatever. Delete it. Whoever wrote it couldn't possibly know you or your kids or how they will relate to each other (good or bad). I've got one then 2.5 years, then two then nearly 4 years, then three then nearly 4 year years then four. So number one and number four are TEN years apart. He's 13 and she will be turning 3. Ask him if he loves his baby sister. The answer will be a resounding "yes". The older ones don't always like to help no matter the spacing, and sometimes they like to "parent" the younger ones and point out all of your flaws - but that is just how mine are. That's how imperfect children are. Do what feels right for your family and don't read crap that makes you feel bad anymore.

jeana said...

We are in the process of saving for and traveling etc for a "reversal" for my hubby. Once this whole process is over our youngest will be at least 6 yrs old. I say the more the merrier! It will be wonderful:)

Jackie said...

My brother Mark and I are 8 years a part. I'm the one that does the most with him. When he introduces me to his girlfriends he says, "This is my sister that I am the most like." I think it is up to the kids if they are going to be friends or not. Mark came the latest of all of us kids. He has a fairly decent age gap with all of us. But he truly is our favorite. Everyone puts more energy into being with Mark then with anyone else. All of us siblings love him more simply because we ALL remember his entire life clearly. He is the only baby that everyone in the family saw grow up. So we can all bond over his life.

likeschocolate said...

Carrie just go for it! My oldest is 13 and baby is 1. The child above 1 year old is 4 1/2 years older. In an ideal world one would have their children every two years; however this is not ab ideal world. Seriously!!!! God is in control and if he told you all these years wait there was a reason for it, and if now he is saying go for it then do. You will not regret it!!!! I have a good friend who has a 7 year age difference between her children. They adore their younger sibling.

Chocolate on my Cranium said...

What a bunch of hogwash! The article...not your list! I have two good friends who had a big space with their kids. One had her last eight years after they thought they were done. The other friend had her daughter {and then a son two years later} 13 years after her older son. Both were different and unique circumstances but both are also terrific families with all the children loving each other immensely. Go for it girl! :)

Darren and Brandi said...

I say go for it! I am the middle of 5. My youngest sister is 8 years younger than me. I have a brother that is just 2 years younger than me so maybe that made a difference, but I was totally a little mom to my sister and we have a great relationship. I'm sure there would be phases that are harder than others (like how annoying it was to have her following me and my friends around when she was young), but I think you will get that with any age difference. My sister-in-law had kids 6 years apart and I don't think 1 more year really would have made much of a difference. She loves being mom's little helper :)

heather said...

If you are wanting one, and can have one, do it! You'd never regret it... on the other hand if you don't have another -you might wish you had.

Jeanelle said...

I have sisters that are 12 and 14 years younger than me. I'm closest with the sister who is 14 years younger - I can't imagine my life without her. So do whatever you feel the best about, whatever the Spirit prompts you and your husband to do - it will always work out...always.

Amy said...

Ok I started reading the part you added and I didn't finish reading it either. Mumbo jumbo, IMHO.

I have a lot of siblings and we're spaced an average of 3-ish years apart. However, me and my youngest sister are 11 years apart. (There are siblings in between, but that's beside the point.) I was her little "mommy" when she was a baby, her playmate when she was a toddler, and her role model when she was a kid.
Now she's an adult and we're best friends. I love our relationship and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

If you want another baby, Carrie, you have another baby. I would be beyond thrilled for you!!!

Sue said...

My little sis came six years after me, and we were close as close could be. Plus, I helped a lot in her care!

=)

Carrie said...

You all are seriously great..thanks for your responses!

McKenna said...

My sister is 7 years older than me. Of course we didn't get around to bonding when I was an annoying 11 year old and she was off getting married and starting her family. However, we had a blast when I was younger and she babysat me. Every friday night I looked forward to hanging out with my big sister while my parents went on a date.

She is still my sister though and I love her. Now that we are kind of in the same stage of life we are getting to know each other all over again. The only thing I would change about our relationship is I wish she lived closer. Sometimes 7 or 8 or 9 years is what you need, but if you feel like there is another angel waiting to come to your family it is never too late IMO.

Angie said...

Hey--if you're concerned about your older children not bonding well with a new baby you can always plan on having another one soon after. So there would be a big gap between #2 and #3 but a smaller gap between #3 and #4. Just what you want to hear, right--have more babies! :)

Roybn said...

Totally disregard what this woman is saying, I don't believe it for a second. I was 22 when I had my first son and 31 when I had the last of my four children, and my first and last sons, 9 yrs apart, are the closest of the siblings, and share more common interests and personality traits than their other sibs. Now they are all young adults, the four of them have grown very close, but when they were young, my two youngest sons, 22 MONTHS apart, had little in common and had a rocky relationship through their adolescent years.
What she says is bunk in my book. Love all of your children and pattern a conscious plan of acceptance, unconditional love and compromise, and that's what you will be blessed with as they age. Go for it!

Kimberly from 'bugaboo' said...

Ok, I'm late reading this - just catching up - but I wanted to throw this out there. I have three older siblings. Between me and the others there are - 12 yrs, 7 yrs, and 6 yrs.
My oldest brother and I didn't have much of a relationship since he moved out of the house when I was like five. BUT, he DID make an effort to know me, even when I was younger. He took me to lunch, took me to play tennis, took me shopping. We got to know each other much better when I was 11 and we both discovered we had a common love for theatre.
My sister and I are 7 years apart and though it took a while to be something other than the pesty younger sister, we are best friends now. We were good friends all through my highschool career and she was in college.
My brother and I, the next oldest, also took a while to be friends. But we ended up having some college classes together and now we hang out a lot.
My point is, the relationship your kids have with each other and with you have much less to do with the age difference or order of birth and much MORE to do with your priorities and personalities. You put an emphasis on family, you spend time together, you make it a point to treat everyone as special, you surround them with love... and that will show them how important family is.
It is up to them how close they will be. It is up to you to show them why it's important and how important it is. Period. Who cares what the so called experts say??
<3

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