Sunday, June 1, 2008

To My Son

To be read on the day you no longer want to be smothered in my kisses.

Dear Kai,

This morning you climbed into my bed; first handing me your dinosaur, your car, and your toy plane and then jumping up courtesy of the night stand. You took the book I was reading out of my hands and layed on my chest to snuggle like you always do. And then came your kisses. So simple. So sweet. Kisses that forced the puckering humming sound of "mmmmmmwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaah!" out of both of us. We both layed there snuggling for what I wished would be forever. I stroked your crazy blond hair and you smiled at me with a toothy grin. We breathed together as you layed still on my chest, getting heavier by the day. And then you growled the most ferocious growl that any toy dinosaur in this world could utter. On came my own ferocious growl and giggle. And then you kissed me again on my cheek, and we both laughed together as I tickled your tummy and our morning routine began.

Today you love giving me kisses, but my heart breaks knowing that the day you are reading this you no longer do. I imagine that your friends must have made fun of you when I blew you a kiss before you went up to bat. Perhaps my hug was too long before I sent you off to scout camp. Or maybe you just feel too old to be smothered by tickling kisses every morning. But oh how I wish your disdain for my kisses were just a phase! I hope that one day you will realize that the moment we embrace as mother and son is a glimpse into eternity. You are mine, and I am yours, and that our snuggling, growling, tickling, bear hugs and wet kisses don't ever have to end.

I remember the sadness in my own mothers eyes when I stopped hugging her. I don't remember why I stopped. I guess I just thought I was too old. From then on I always felt awkward giving her a hug. After I became a mother, I asked her why she didn't snuggle with me as a child, thinking that therein lies the reason for our lack of affection now. She said, "I tried--but you didn't want to anymore. So we stopped."

I thought about that and how I could prevent my own children from feeling any awkwardness between us. And then I looked at your Daddy's family, who still hug and kiss every day. I asked your GamMommy what she did to keep her children from that "awful phase of showing no affection". I asked, "didn't they ask you to stop?" "Sure!" she said, "but I did it anyway."

And so, my sweet sweet boy, I am resolute to never ever stop smothering you with my kisses. Even if you are embarrassed. Even if you scream, "eeeeeewwwwww mom! stop!" Even if you are grown and your children are grown and their children are grown. I will tickle your tummy and wrap my arms around you and plant a big kiss on your cheek as though you are always two years old, snuggling in my bed with me early early in the morning.

So you might as well give in, my beautiful son.
Come give your mother a kiss.

5 comments:

Jessie said...

What a sweet post!! I know the feeling they grow up really fast and Davis is already rejecting kisses from us :(
But, he still loves to cuddle!!

Jeanne said...

Kit still loves hugs and kisses from his Mom, Tobad he's on a mission and I can only send them throughthe e-mails.

Kristie and Ryan said...

geez carrie, make a girl cry why don't you... :)

someone gave me that advice too. Never stop kissing them. I'm determined to do it.

theamazingjohnsons said...

That's so sweet, carrie! What good advice.

Tara and Jon said...

I loved this post!!! You are so good at putting feelings into words! That's something I would love to be able to do!!!

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