Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Mixed Emotions

Kai just got accepted into the ESE program here which means he goes to preschool for free. It is an inclusive program with some kids who are "normal" and then some kids like Kai who are delayed in speech. I am happy, of course. I have to be honest though... I think I am freaking out more.

My issues are these:
1)It's ALL day. I specifically was not planning on putting him in any preschool for at least another year because I didn't think he was ready due to his speech and behavior. Brianna didn't attend preschool until she was 4, and it was only for 3 hours 3 days a week. He is only 3 1/2 and it's a regular school day from 8:15- 2:50.

2) Kai naps everyday from 1:30 to 4:30. No joke. Then he's in bed by 8:30 and he gets up at 7. He NEEDS his naps. He LOVES his naps. They assure me that he will take naps in school. And he doesn't have to be potty trained (thank goodness). But wow. I'm looking forward to seeing how this goes down...

3) He's "fun" aggressive and doesn't play well with other kids for long periods of time (he'll start growling and chasing them). This has a lot to do with his apraxia and a lot to do with just him. There are so many goals that we have for him, one being his social interactions. I am fearful of him hitting someone, etc. However, I also know he will be in a safe environment with speech pathologists who understand him. That in itself is such a comfort.

3)I will have 2 kids in school. None at home. This wasn't supposed to happen for another 10 years or so. What the CRAP am I going to do without any kids to take care of? Of course, there is tons to do with my business and Aaron's business etc. But it's that empty feeling. I have it already. I'm already crying just thinking about it.

Okay. So help me here. I need some words of comfort because I am scared and confused and excited for him all at the same time. I know it's the right thing. He needs this and it will be so good for him. But I don't want it at the same time. Does that make sense?

what to feel?.............

14 comments:

Pittman Four said...

You are doing the right thing... Remember EARLY INTERVENTION is the key. He'll be fine. You'll be fine. And think of all the time you'll have.

Lulucarrot said...

Call me for my opinion:) Just kidding. It is tough but really this is exactly what he needs. He needs to learn to live in what I call "kindergarten society" and for our kids, that is going to take ALOT more practice than 3 hours, 3 times a week. It sucks and I am so with you but I think it is probably a good thing for him. Love you.

Lulucarrot said...

Just think, that time to yourself and your buisness will really make you ready and missing him and Brianna and that much more ready to be a great mom when they get home.

Annette said...

Oh, I hear you!!! Our hope is for Meghan to be in the developmental preschool in Oct when she turns three. BUT I don't want her to go yet. Thankfully ours is half days, but four days a week.

We won't know until late summer if she gets in.

Summer said...

With my brother, Corbin, he was on a bus to his preschool right before he turned 3. His class also had kids who were "normal" and others with Autism. And it was all day. He has always been able to be in main-stream schools but just needs extra help. Also, you meet other parents with children who have the same disorder and it'll be so therapeutic for you and Aaron. I think this is a blessing that you guys need and I know it'll help Kai. I am sorry that you won't have anyone at home. I would be just like you, bawling my eyes out. It just shows what a good mom you are!

Sarah in the Middle said...

Sounds like it's time to get knocked up :) Really, what else have you got to do??
It will probably be easier once it starts and you see how everything will work out - sometimes the anticipating is the worst part. He'll do great. They will see his sweet heart and love him right from the start. Even if he does growl at them.

theamazingjohnsons said...

I think it sounds like a great thing. I don't blame you for being sad that he will be gone all day, though.

J said...

Whoa no kids at home. That is big. I have no idea what you should do. But I'm sure you'll figure it out. On a side note I had a dream that Kai came to visit and we had a blast! Any chance you'll have the kids with you in August?

iamwoman said...

i'm cracking up that sarah is the only one who has said, 'have another baby!" this attitude is so unlike all of you...

haha!

Pasion Family said...

Serena was in a preschool like this (it was mainstreamed)- she has some speech issues and I was thankful for the extra speech help she received- Man, has she grown from preschool- Also, 4 days a week! Everything will work out for your little guy :)

Erin said...

Sounds like an awesome program!!! Early Intervention IS the best and most important thing you can give Kai right now -- and, yes, as mom with a degree in Early Childhood Special Education, that's my professional opinion! :o) I know it will be hard for you (and maybe a little for him at first too), but the rewards WILL be great! I'm so excited for y'all! Which school will he be at?

gkgirl said...

oh...this is so hard...
i agree with what your first
commentor said about it being
early intervention...
that can make all the difference
in the world...

hang in there...
sending hugs and lots and lots
of encouragement!

Regina said...

This will be so awesome for Kai. Quit worrying so much - the teachers are trained and he will do just fine.

As for filling up your day - maybe a part time job would be fun for you!

Cortney said...

I think all the right things have been said--sometimes we don't know what is best for our kids until what we didn't expect to be good happens. Does that make sense? It's going to be fine--you'll see. :)

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