When I'm awfully low

My son has officially been diagnosed with Apraxia. We've suspected it for awhile now, but the "yes...he definitely has it" was not something I wanted to hear. We have been hopeful that he would just grow into speaking. That one day, it would just click. I have heard the words numerous time, "my friend's son didn't say a word until he was 4 years old, so don't worry." Although others are comforting and hopeful, being told your child is behind is still awfully hard to bare.

Unfortunately, the only way he will truly be able to speak well is through rigorous speech therapy. Thankfully, we had help for him in Seattle and now we have a wonderful program that he goes to here 2x a week. I have seen him grow more these past few months than ever before. And yet, it doesn't feel like enough.

We had friends and their children visit us this past weekend. It was wonderful and hard. Wonderful because we love them. Hard because being with them 24/7 made it so apparent to me how behind my son actually is. With their very talkative daughter, only 6 months older than him, she found herself drawn to my oldest child instead of the one closest to her age. She could be reasoned with. She could be quieted down. She could talk. I do realize that part of this was simply her sweet nature. She is a girl. He is a boy. A rough, strong, energetic, tough little boy. And with that boy-ish nature; discipline, speech, and reasoning is guaranteed to be different.

And yet, it still made me sad. Sad that so many people can't understand him. Sad that he's so far behind (a year). Sad that I always have to explain to others why he is the way he is.

But on those sad days I try to quickly remember the good. How far he has come and how far I know he will go. The good is definitely plentiful because he is an amazing little boy. So sweet, so caring, so full of laughter and life. In fact,

-He sang his bedtime song for the first time last month. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. It was loud and awkward and completely wonderful to hear. He now sings every song with me!
-He apologized last week. That was HUGE.
-He can say his own name. It was TIE forever because he could never make the K sound.
-He does so well in speech therapy. I watch his session on tv in another room and without fail, every time, I bawl my eyes out. He's a wiggly worm, but he does well and I hear new words and sounds said correctly each day.

Each night I snuggle in bed with him while we do our bedtime routine. We sing, we laugh, we hug. We talk just a little.

And I love who he is. And that's enough.


Some day, when I'm awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you...
And the way you look tonight.

Yes you're lovely,
with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft,
There is nothing for me but to love you,
And the way you look tonight.

With each word your tenderness grows,
Tearing my fear apart...
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
It touches my foolish heart.

Lovely... Never, ever change.
Keep that breathless charm.
Won't you please arrange it?
'Cause I love you ...
Just the way you look tonight.

Mm, Mm, Mm, Mm,
Just the way you look... tonight.