A Virtuous Woman

WHO CAN FIND A VIRTUOUS WOMAN? HER PRICE IS FAR ABOVE RUBIES.

SHE WILL DO HIM GOOD AND NOT EVIL ALL THE DAYS OF HER LIFE

THE HEART OF HER HUSBAND DOTH SAFELY TRUST IN HER

SO THAT HE SHALL HAVE NO NEED OF SPOIL...

SHE GIRDETH HER LOINS WITH STRENGTH, AND STRENGTHENETH HER ARMS.

STRENGTH AND HONOUR ARE HER CLOTHING; AND SHE SHALL REJOICE IN TIME TO COME.

SHE OPENETH HER MOUTH WITH WISDOM; AND IN HER TONGUE IS THE LAW OF KINDNESS.

SHE LOOKETH WELL TO THE WAYS OF HER HOUSEHOLD.

AND EATETH NOT THE BREAD OF IDLENESS.

HER CHILDREN ARISE UP, AND CALL HER BLESSED; HER HUSBAND ALSO, AND HE PRAISETH HER.

Psalms 31

I received this card in the mail last week from a dear friend with this psalm on it. It was sent to me concerning the adversity with Aaron's hospitalization, but it has been amazing to see how applicable it is to my life right now.

The difficult part about moving back to Seattle is that I'm going back to work. It is an incredible blessing to be able to contact my old boss and ask is she has anything for me, only to have her reply "YES! I'll find something." However, my past experience in apartment management was hard, stressful, difficult, and to know that I am going back to that is a bit overwhelming.

I thought I was beginning my life as a stay-at-home mom. You know, the perfect house and the perfect dinner at 6pm sharp. I have always wanted that life...to work only if I wanted to. But in the life I have chosen, my husband is ill. And so my life, the one that chose me, is different than the original plan.

There is also the extreme sacrifice on my part of giving up my beautiful home to move back into an apartment. Although I know this sacrifice will only allow us to get an even more beautiful home in the future, I didn't expect to have to take a step back. It makes me wonder, "what was the point?" To have something...only to give it up? This life that chose me is hard.

My best friend emailed me, ""Does it tick you off that you did so much to make your house "homey" and now you're leaving?"

I replied. YES. Like a dagger to my heart.

During the next few weeks I'll be downsizing. And selling. And putting a price on what material possessions I value most. And that is really really hard.

I have always taken such pride in making my home an expression of who I am and turning the ordinary into extraordinary beauty. You all have seen photographs on this blog and know what I mean. One only has to look at the month of December last year to know how much I love holiday decorating. Or look back at my design posts here and here and here and here etc. And I'm losing that opportunity... the ability to thrift something into beauty and have the space to display it. To be creative in a way that brings me joy the moment I walk in my door. I'm going to miss that.

I have always thought that I would be the kind of woman who is "unworldly". What a reality check this is! Instead I have found myself becoming angry and sad about stuff. Not wanting to give certain possessions up, but also knowing that I must. It is just stuff, after all.

After days of mourning, I recognize that NOW is the time for me to show my family and my Father in Heaven the virtuous woman that I am. Now is the time to dig deep and let my spirit shine. It is time for me to be strong for my sick husband, who wants to give me so much but can't at the moment, and whose burden, right now, I need to help bare.

MANY DAUGHTERS HAVE DONE VIRTUOUSLY

but thou excellest them all.

FAVOR IS DECEITFUL, AND BEAUTY IS VAIN:

BUT A WOMAN THAT FEARETH THE LORD, SHE SHALL BE PRAISED

GIVE HER THE FRUIT OF HER HANDS;

and let her own works praise her in the gates.