Thursday, April 22, 2010

creative still?

lounging girl

this is a depressing post. look away if need be. seriously.

i just want to kick myself this morning. my day started out great.. early to rise with a kick-ass (oh yes. i said it) work-out, a balanced breakfast, personal devotional time, emails, and then photographer inferiority time. yes. it officially hit me today, just like three months ago, and three months before that... that i am an inferior photographer.

but first things first...

i'm not asking for comments saying's not necessary...i appreciate the thought, though. and if you weren't going to say otherwise, well then, it's good that you are not going to comment because i don't know if i can handle that today.

i clicked on one of my favorite mormon messages today via a friend's blog and i loved hearing it again. it is so moving... inspirational.. valuable to me as a woman and creator. I felt the awe-inspiring movement in my soul. that i am a creative being. that i am loved enough by a Father in Heaven to have received these gifts. that we ALL have these gifts.

then i hit my lists on my sidebar of photographers that inspire me, only today they made me feel crappy. i compared myself to their knowledge and capabilities. i compared myself to their creativity. i wished i was them. oh, why can't i be like them? the awe-inspiring movement in my soul sank. it sank hard.

a few weeks ago at the tulip festival i had my camera out to take pictures. as we walked along the paths, i saw that everyone had a camera. not just a camera, but a professional camera. were they all professionals? i had to think that most weren't. but they had that camera.. some bigger and better than mine. this high-tech digital age has provided our families with great equipment, which is really fantastic. so really, what makes me (a professional photographer) and my camera (a professional camera) so special if everyone out there has the same capability? i hoped inside that the difference between me and them was that i knew how to use my camera to capture what i love. maybe that made me special. maybe that made me creative in my own innate way.

so.. lamenting over. i'm going to get on my knees and pray to make this feeling go away. that i can face the fact that i may not be as talented as the other amazing photographers out there, but that i am creative still.


Evelyn Perkins said...

oh wow. sooooo how i feel when i get out there and start surfing blogs. that darn satan. what a jerk. wallow for a bit and then cheer up, friend.

p.s. i know it's against the rules today. but you are great. ssshh.

Listings Editor, MMB said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
heather said...

Sorry! I though I had signed out of the other account. OOps.

I often feel the same way about my photography. I'd like to take a class or two sometime.

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

I wish I had a camera that toook decent photos. Someday, someday. And I do happen to love the pictures you post!

Sarah loves it all said...

My camera is literally 10 years old. I want an SLR so bad. It's so true, everyone has one! I just don't have the money for it right now. I decided that if I'm going to blog and post pictures, I'm gonna have to own it. Even if they are blurry sometimes, even if I can't focus on an item close up. (seriously, you'll notice the picture quality on my blog.) Your pictures are what attracted my to your blog. I know it's against the rules, but I DO think you're really good! I made a pledge not too long ago, that I would only browse other people's blogs with an open mind and appreciate them rather than compare myself. It can be really hard!

Anonymous said...

i thought that if you have something to help you continue your growth that would be a great dont want to peak too young...the growth is the journey. i enjoy a different art form and that is with paint, pen, pencil, etc. i know i am far from the best but i love to look at what others have done and learn, asking what did they do, what were they thinking, and how did they do it. and of course i always think i wonder if i could do that. if you ever got to the point when you didnt ask that it might not be as rewarding. its a wonderful feeling each step you make in your progression. think about where you started from and how much youve grown as an artist from there. its an individual path that you shouldnt compare to others.

Anonymous said...

I haven't read your blog in a long time, I've been out of the computer world for awhile and just the last month or so really gotten back on track.

You put into words today what I have felt off and on for years! I think others have felt the same in other aspects of their lives too maybe not photography. It helped me alot in your email you sent me that I am a busy mom. (Not sure I ever told you but I'm sure I needed the email you sent me more than you needed the one I sent you..thanks) The same to you. I don't know everything you do, but I know you are a BUSY mom. Sometimes it's hard to be creative. I know a lot of people that have cameras like mine. PROMISE most of them don't know how to USE them. :) It is discouraging though.

I agree that darn satan needs to get out of our lives! Photography is an art, and your art doesn't have to be the same as everyone else. Many people like what you do.

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