Working Mom

I'm a working mom.

I have often felt that there is a stereotype that goes along with that. I have heard the words from many that "if you learn how to financially sacrifice you should be able to stay at home with your children while your husband works." I agree with that to some extent, but I do not agree with all of it. Financially, some women can stay at home with or without the sacrifice. I have been there, and hope that someday I can be there again. But some women financially cannot do that, or perhaps choose not to for various reasons.

There are some toss-ups for arguments. I have heard: Some women work and therefore pay for daycare. But doesn't the cost of daycare counteract the money made? And there is the very good argument of the drawback that not being with your children is something you can't take back (which I believe). And we all know, that being a stay-at-home mom is a full time job in itself, and can be very difficult, and is something that you don't get paid for (except in an eternal way.)

But what about other situations? What if your husband is layed off? What if he is in school? What if financially.. you really can't cut it? What if you just need that professional time for yourself? Can it be done without sacrificing motherhood?

Here's my own scenario. I have worked for a long time. When I left my last job to move to Florida I left in desperation. I was tired. I was overworked. That was going to be my last outside job forever unless I chose to work. After a year in that Sunny State in which I didn't work, our situation changed. My husband got really sick, therefore his 100% commission job sank. We were stuck, and because there were no jobs for us there, we needed to make a move. Not to mention we needed to come back to Seattle for Aaron's medical care.

Our plan was different than planned. Than I had hoped. Than I imagined my life to be way back when. I would have to go back to work. My job would not only provide security and insurance, but the financial stability to pay off debt so that when I do have the opportunity to go back home, our bills will be cut in half. It was a smart decision and I am (surprisingly) not resentful.

Pros:

• I like contributing financially.
• I like the professional side of me.
• My situation is incredibly ideal because my office is literally attached to my home. I have the perfect working mother scenario and I am grateful for that.
• Oddly, I can accomplish almost as much household work as before because I have to manage my time intensely. Often, when I was at home all day, I didn't get half as much done as I do now.
• I treasure the moments I am at home with my children. I try to make sure that I am "completely there", although I admit that doesn't always happen. Still, I treasure that time when I used to be quite scattered about it.

But there are

Cons:

• Although I work at home, I am at work all day and do not have the ability to mother my children during that time.
• Sometimes I want to cry when I have to tell my children "Not now, Mommy is at work."
• I can't make bread during the week (one of my favorite things to do).
• I can't go to the library or parks or playgroups. I can't keep up with the laundry or dishes some days.
• One day due to starting work early and then a church meeting that night, I only saw my kids for 45 minutes the entire day. That made me really mad.
• I can't go see friends every so often and connect with that women conversation we all desperately need (perhaps that's why I blog.) That is hard. It's even harder to know it's happening, and that I cannot be a part of it.
• I am often envious of women who have the staying-home opportunities that I don't have. Sometimes I am angry about my situation. Sometimes it just sucks. I really have to work on those feelings daily and I know it will always be a struggle.

And so I think it is important to realize that sometimes working mothers feel left out. Sometimes working mothers feel criticized. Sometimes working mothers feel like crap. Literally like crap because they miss their children and the chance to do what they innately desire to do, which is be a mother at all hours of every day.

But there are more reasons that women work than the eye can see. There are personal reasons and although I know some are selfish, I believe there are so many working mothers that are un-selfish. There are mothers who can't always do it all, but out of necessity have to.

What are your thoughts?

I hope that one day I will be able to be completely home once again. But if it's not in my cards in this life, then I know that I can still be a mother.

And I am.