I was on the phone with Rowdy last night while he drove home from class and I told him how frustrated I was that I didn't keep my cool with the kids. That I let them go to bed hearing an irritated mother. As I folded socks and spoke on the speaker phone (let's multi-task, shall we?), I told him that I wish I was better. That I didn't get so angry as they bounced and screamed and undoubtedly disturbed our downstairs neighbors. That I could just remain calm during the moments of hitting and yelling and purposefully "egg-ing on." That I would remember how amazing they are in those moments, and just laugh it off instead of huffing and puffing as I tuck them in.
I'm not really sure how to get to that place yet...the one where I can keep my cool and love the chaos and confusion, but I think my first step is praying.
I better get on that.
PS. What are your thoughts on having babies...like...6 years apart? Is it too late to have to start all over again? Feeling achy about that idea and hoping that there really is a plan in it all. And that THAT plan...is okay.
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21 comments:
Kids 6 years apart eh? Our first two are 4 years apart. I think it's a learning curve no matter the distance between them. I didn't want the time to be so great but now I am extremely grateful its like that. Our son is such a big help with his sister. Just a testament that things happen for a reason...and why our third is only a mere 15 months behind our second! That...to me...is way worse than a big gap:)
BABY! BABY! BABY! BABY!!! I'm chanting wild support over here! Mark is our youngest and he is our favorite. We all adore him and he united us. Seriously, being older and having a little sibling brings out all sorts of good vibes towards the kid. And can do a lot of good for a family. It meant a lot to me to be able to help take care of him and watch him grow up and be his big sister. Sure I was already a big sister--but with him I was really, really the big sister. Loved it!!!!!
I was totally thinking the same thing about my kids last night! And let me tell you what I do. When I find myself losing patience and getting frustrated I let EVERYTHING go. Dishes, toys, laundry. I do only the things I have to to keep the peace in my home. And the best thing that works for me is to have my ipod playing while I'm cooking dinner, cleaning up, etc. I make a playlist of songs that remind me how fast time goes by and how unimportant some things are. My playlist usually includes "Hello World" by Lady Antebellum, "Little Miss" by Sugarland and last night it was "Perfect" by Pink. Music kind of calms the air at home and when my kids come in fighting and screaming about something I feel like I'm in a much better place to deal with them.
And I think if you want a baby, you shouldn't worry about the age gap. My friend's youngest is almost 5 and she just found out that she is pregnant after trying for 4 years. She didn't care how long it took because she knew she wanted this baby. You will never regret having a baby, but you might regret not having one.
A baby is always a wonderful! I know a family that she thought she was in menopause when she went to her OB. Her youngest at the time was 15 years old. The OB asked if she was sure she wasn't pregnant. She said there was no way because she had stopped menstruating about 6 months previous. Well with an ultrasound, they found a healthy six month baby. She was shocked. Her husband was amazed also that they were having a baby so much later than they had planned. So you know the plan can always change and welcome more.
I hope the best for you as you make your decision for a baby.
All mommies have mommy frustration moments. I think we feel guilty and then try harder the next day. Hope today is better than yesterday and you have a great mommy moment tonight!
Older kids are a big help with babies. Especially older girls. And you've got one of those, so I say go for it!
I feel you on this one... I hate it when the last sound my kids hear from me is an annoyed one. Sigh. I'm trying to be better too.
Yeaahhhh! Go for it.. The other kids will be such big help! My sister and I are 16 years apart and she is 14 years apart from the youngest, but has been the greatest blessing and has been the glue to our family!
I've been really struggling keeping my cool with the kids lately. I'm glad I'm not alone The baby thing...I don't think a 6 year gap matters at all. A baby would be so blessed to have you for a mother.
Do what YOU feel is right, Carrie. Right now I'm so baby hungry I could cry. But I'm sort-of a struggling survivor of circumstance, so don't go by me.
I love the picture. Everything is going to be alright. Really.
My kids are 4 years apart... and it wasn't planned that way. And looking at when I was growing up? My mom had kids for 20 years. Wait, let me clarify. There are 20 years between the oldest & younges. 11 kids altogether. I LOVE my older sibs. Old enough to have helped mom take care of us, yet young enough to be awesome friends.
As for those crabby mom moments, don't beat yourself up too much. It happens, and all you can do is just keep trying to do better.
Mary P. (columbus) had 2 then waited 5 years and had 2 more. She loved the space between them...
My sister in law couldn't get pregnant for a long time and her two girls are 7 years apart. It definitely wasn't what she wanted, but SOO worth it to have more. The older kids can help with the younger and there will only REALLY be that BIG 6 year gap while their young. Once they are married themselves, the distance won't make such a big difference. Does this mean you're actually pregnant or is this just something you're considering??? :) I say baby all the way!
I say go for it. Ours are 3 1/4 year apart, 5 years apart and now another 4 1/4. The children will adore having another sibling. I don't know how to get to that point either of not allowing the choas to bother me; especially, when others make comments. One lady at church had the nerve to tell me I shouldn't be having any more children. A little to late since I am 4 months pregant. What does she want me to do ? Abort? Most people love my children despite their very independant/stubborn nature.
I think we all could use a little more prayer in our lives! What ever works and helps you is exactly what you should do. As for kids, there is 12 years between my youngest from the big kids, and the oldest of the "littles". It isn't what I would have liked, but it worked out great. I am a much better mother, and have more patience and calm. Having a gap can really help with that.
Hey please, please, please, let me know the key to being that person. Blog about. Steps to take. I sooooo can use some of your knowledge.
My older girls are 9 & 11 years older than Lily. Obviously, you know what happened but still, Amy Lynne had she lived there would be a 7 & 9 year gap. Lily loves her older sisters and they love and spoil her rotten. Problem now? Not so much. I do worry when she gets into her teenage years and she'll be an only child. I wouldn't worry too much about the 6 years.
I think this post strikes a chord with every mother. everytime we watch the Cosby show (we have the first two seasons, and the kids LOVE it), I feel such guilt because I can't laugh and gently chide when my kids argue, or spill grape juice all over the kitchen. Much as I love the Huxtables, their parenting isn't realistic. is it? Reality is that mom's tired and overworked and under-appreciated and doesn't have enough hours in the day. Dad comes home and falls asleep because he stayed up too late and woke up too early, and he isn't pleasant until dinner is over, which sadly isn't until around 7:00 thought mom tries her darndest to get it on the table before 5:30.
The only time I'm a good parent is when I feel the spirit prompting me to take some extra time to explain something, or to work through a problem with my kids. I think I do well, when the spirit is my guide, but what does that say about the rest of my parenting? I don't know. I care about it, and you do too, so that alone places us in the top tier of mothers on this planet..
and, have another baby, you'll never regret it. kamie, my sis, just had her last baby, after a 9 year gap. Little Jane is the love of everyone's life.
I was just thinking the same thing. I wish I was a better mother and didn't get annoyed so easily. I hate that tone I hear in my voice sometimes.
I think there is no perfect timing for kids. There is only what works best for your family.
I am all for it! I had my first 3 kids really close so after that I gave it a 5 years rest between the next two. It was great! I think we all enjoyed those last two boys sooooooo much. Everyone helped, we all thrilled in every new milestone and we had time to enjoy it too.
And don't beat yourself up too much - all mothers get frustrated, all mothers yell, all mothers send their kids to bed seeing a crazy mother - ha ha. I think it helps them learn. We are only human and each day is a new one.
You do great!
It's never too late for a baby. Ever. No matter the age gap.
As for the impatience, it's bedtime for pete's sake. We are all tired and grouchy and done by then. I've noticed when I put some quiet, soft, peaceful music on about 30 minutes before bed, things seem to go better. Just works for us...when I remember.
Such awesome comments! It looks like we have 100% encouragement to have a baby no matter what the age gap. Good to know;)
Love the advice. Love the realness. Love you all!
my favorite saying is from a children's book and i have to say this to myself all the time. i hope it can be a comfort to you as well.
"today was a hard day, but tomorrow will be better"
so simple but for some reason it always helps.
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