I was talking the other day with a friend about how often we look at ourselves and wish that we were like "so and so." I feel that for me, the Internet has actually made this worse to some extent because on blogs, sometimes, let's face it, women tend to appear perfect. Or at least somewhat put together, and crafty, and fashionably dressed all the while 5 children are getting their mad artwork skills on outside in their handmade playhouse. It can easily make someone feel like they are less if their life.is.not.like.that.
There have been a lot of great blog posts on the subject, and I even wrote a post last year about fearing to appear like I have it all together on my blog and how that is harmful. I also really appreciate this one about how blogs breed jealousy amongst women.
But it struck me this week that I only feel that way because I do not value myself. My self-worth is pending on how creative I can be and if I show it...and how many blog followers I gain (or lose)...and if my home or decor or mothering skills or creative parties are up to par with others. Instead of focusing on what I do, or what I have, I focus on what I can't accomplish, or wish I had.
And that thought really struck me this time. I know that I am often a glass half-empty kinda gal. But this new retrospect is different somehow. It is inside...deeper than knowing my obvious tendency towards jealousy. It is, in fact, rooted in loving myself.
Because if I loved myself, it would not matter what my neighbor had. I would be able to read a blog and appreciate anothers inspiration and abilities instead of feeling inferior. I would be able to go to work each day knowing that I was doing my best and that it doesn't make my ability to mother any less than women who stay at home. If I loved myself... "I" would be enough.
So, let's start shall we?
Guess what? My husband is in Grad School. Guess what? We live in an apartment. Guess what? I work and I don't have time to be as creative as I would like. Guess what? I'm not thin and physically where I want to be. Guess what?
THAT IS OKAY.
I'm a pretty dang cool person and we are all trying hard and "stuff" or "talents" or "baby raising abilities" do not alter that. We are enough. And we should love ourselves all the more for it.