Friday, January 27, 2012

Yell



I'm gonna talk about my husband having Multiple Sclerosis for a sec, k?

There are times when your husband tells you that he just can't manage to take the dog out because 1/2 his body had been numb for the entire week and all you want to do is yell at him for not telling you and then yell at the fact that you feel bad about wanting to yell at him and then yell at the fact that you have to do mostly everything because this week--hello--even though he has been working on his new business nonstop--after that workday he cannot physically muster up the energy to help put the kids to bed one night and you just want to yell yell yell about this crappy part of life that you both have been dealt.  I do the majority of the yelling in my head, mind you, but gosh I HATE MS

I know he will get better this time (sometimes I haven't) and I know that I just need to be patient and let him rest rest rest so his body will heal but this does NOT get any easier as time goes on.  I don't think it ever will.  I kept feeling so good...SO good about how he has been for the past 2 years and we have been careful about making sure he sleeps enough and doesn't get too stressed...but then some stupid side effect hits and although this is so extremely mild...how in the hell am I supposed to be "oh no problem, hon" when your husband tells you that 1/2 of his body is numb and he is having a hard time freaking WALKING?  

I hate it I hate it I hate it.  

I just want to cry.  And yell.  And calm down.  And feel peace.  And all of the above.

It will be okay it will be okay it will be okay. 

It will.

15 comments:

Cherie said...

Carrie sometimes it feels good to just scream!
I think men don't tell us things because they need to feel strong. My husband doesn't tell me about stuff like this either. Ugh!!
It is a hard thing that you guys have to deal with - I know you are strong but, like I said, sometimes it is good to really just yell!!

{{{Hugs}}}

Debby said...

(((((HUGS))))) I love the picture. My daughter always looked like Lucy.....and acted like her. I thought the post was funny til I saw the MS. Go ahead and scream.......we can take it. Hoping for that peaceful feeling for you soon.

val of the south said...

That totally sucks! If only I lived anywhere near you, I would bring you really yummy chocolate, because chocolate makes most anything more cope~able.

{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}

Amy said...

Let it out. Let it out. Let it out.

I hope you feel better. Love you, sweetie.

NatureGirl said...

Nice job expressing that frustration. I wish we could say that we understand, but we just don't. We can imagine, and empathize and listen and pray.

likeschocolate said...

Sorry you guys are having a tough week. I will say a prayer for your man that he feels better soon.

Sue said...

It's good that you can "talk" about it here. I can't even begin to imagine your fears and frustrations.

But I can sure pray for you. Both of you. And I will!

=)

Jenny P. said...

Yes. It WILL be okay. I'll pray that you find the peace you need soon. Want to hear a story that kinda sorta relates, on a much smaller scale of difficult?

So, my husband has been working incredibly hard lately because, well, because the economy is in the crapper and so he really has to in order to feed our family. It's meant a lot of later evenings and early mornings and busy days filled with back to back appointments... So I wanted to make sure that I was doing enough to support and love and sustain my husband and prayed for the ability to recognize things that I might do to ease his burden. I offered to take the kids to school in the morning so that he would have time to exercise before work. (A huge stress reliever for him). I made an effort to pack him a lunch, or drop lunch by his office, I tried to create opportunities for him to decompress at home. My efforts felt good... and then? Then all the kids got sick with a stomach bug and I was up to my elbows in barf and I was only leaving my house to pick up kids or take kids to school and my husband was still having to work long hours and then HE came home sick with the same stomach bug that the kids had and by about nine this evening, all I really wanted to do was YELL. (I should have called you. We could have yelled at each other.) Because like you, I couldn't have yelled at Josh. The circumstances were just as much out of his control as they were out of mine. It was frustrating for me though, because here I was praying to be able to support and love him, and then resenting him because I was having to do so much supporting and loving. Funny place to be in, yes?

As for your situation, you're so strong, Carrie. From what I know of the kind of person you are, I expect you'll wake up tomorrow or the next day and suddenly the peace will be there again and you'll keep moving forward. Because you have to. Because you're family will be better for doing so. And because there is enough love and goodness in your home to keep you doing so.

Shannon said...

I held it together until I read:

"I just want to cry. And yell. And calm down. And feel peace. And all of the above."

For some reason that just got me.

As you know, I hate MS too!

Wishing you the time to cry, yell, calm down, and feel peace.

Chocolate on my Cranium said...

Oh, Carrie! Sorry the MS is rearing its ugly head right now. You are more than welcome to come here out in the boondocks and yell and yell at the top of your lungs. If you do it loud enough it might echo off the mountains! When my kids start to get frustrated or picky on each other I send them outside to have a *screaming contest. It's a really good way to get all those pent up feelings out.

* I should clarify they don't scream at each other but see who can scream the loudest.

heather said...

Yell, yell, yell and swear if you want to too. Without any guilt. Gotta get the anger out to feel that peace. That's what I've found anyway.

Carin said...

MS sucks! Yell as much as you need to, hit pillows and curse too if it helps. Just get it out so you can get through it, find your calm, your strength, and your peace. Hugs

Jocelyn Christensen said...

It will. You are strength to the core.Cry and yell and then double up your efforts. Love you...

Leenie said...

It's better to let it out than to keep it in. *Hugs!*

Charlotte said...

I'm sorry MS is rearing its ugly head again! There are a lot of times I get frustrated because I need more help than is possible from my husband.

I hope he gets better soon and get some stress free relaxation time soon, too.

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