Sunday, November 29, 2009

Sassy

Photobucket


I love my girl. I really really do. But the number 8 has entered our lives with a bit of hesitation on my part. "Please don't grow up" I say, "because if this is what growing up means, I'd rather have spaghetti sauce on my carpet." Seriously. And ya'll know how I feel about my carpets staying clean.

If you can't already tell, I'm needing some feedback here.

We've got some stomping and sassing and throwing and slamming and full blown dramatics that suddenly resemble a two year old who can talk intelligently. This could get ugly. Really really ugly.

Any amazing books out there for me to read on how to handle it all correctly? I know that every child is different, but somebody out there has to know some techniques that cover all the bases, right? I need some guidance on how to consistently handle the situations she deals out so that I don't blow up. I have been VERY very close to doing just that.

For me, it really boils down to her lack of respect for us as her parents, us as adults, us at all. She'll be so lovely until she gets around certain friends at school and then WHAM-- sass is back. I can't control who she is around at school. I can't control who she will meet. But I would like to control how she reacts to situations without using everyone else as a guide.

We've talked about taking responsibility for our attitude and actions.. and yet.. every day the same thing happens. We have taken privileges away. We have done timeout (she hates this at her age).. We have ignored. We have talked. We have sternly talked. We have prayed. To no avail yet.

I am mainly the most worried because she is behaving EXACTLY like I did at that age. I was so disrespectful, and I don't believe my mother knew how to handle that. I don't want to repeat that same scenerio because it causes a lot of pain and heartache on both ends.
And so...

I'm out of ideas and I'm about to start googling and checking out library books. Anyone?

9 comments:

Jenna said...

LOVE AND LOGIC! I took a 6 week course before we moved. It was once a week but just what I needed to reinforce the changes we were making in parenting.

My favorite line lately has been, "I am not sure how I am going to deal with you lying to me, I will think about it for a while and will let you know what is going to happen." That way I do not freak out on her and want to bash her head against the wall. Wait? Did you want brutal honesty?

Mo said...

I could give you some pointers on a case by case basis. I was a child development major and took behavior managment classes and worked for a behavior specialist who had a phd.

I couldn't give you a blanket answer, but I could probably help with individual cases.

feel free to email me! hope it gets better!

wilkinson_fam said...

Hit 'em where it hurts. And I don't mean physically. Take away privileges/things that really mean something to them. For my oldest, it is her paper, art supplies and books. For my other daughter, it is her dolls and dance lessons. When THOSE are not available to her, she listens up and behavior changes.

Good luck!

Rachel said...

Oh I wish I had some magic words of wisdom. I look to you, my friend, since I'm not there yet! Does it help if I say FABULOUS photo? Because it is. She's gorgeous, and you've captured her image so well. Hugs!

gkgirl said...

i also have no magic words...
i can tell you what we have done...
but it sounds like you
have already tried it...
we take away privileges...
the things that they like best
internet...outside time...
friends over...telephone...
good luck...
and big hugs...

oh...
and she is adorable!

Sarah in the Middle said...

That picture is absolutely fantastic!!
I really have no advice to offer. Once I've successfully gotten my three through that stage maybe I'll have something to give!
I do know consistency is key at every stage.
My parents were "nip it in the bud" people. If we were even a little sassy it was firmly addressed. Disrespect was definitely a Proverbs 22:15 situation at our house - even at her age!
You'll figure it out, just keep after it. Love ya!

matt and michelle ray said...

Oh, I feel your pain. Here's what I've found that sort of works. Love her. Through all the sass and back talk, make sure she knows how much you love her and always will. Send her away if you need to and try not to let her bad mood ruin the families mood, that's a tough one for me!

Also, as a teacher I found that positive reinforcement works a lot better than negative. FInd something she's doing really well and praise, praise, praise. Find some time you and your husband (alone or together) can spend alone with her, maybe a date night?

The bottom line is that the attitude is always gonna happen. It's the age, and unfortunately it starts so young. And they are bombarded with kids with bad attitudes (and worse) at school. You can only really change your reaction to it.

And what comforts me is to know that we have a Heavenly Father that loves our children more than we even do. He wants what's best for them and us. Go to Him.

Sorry for the novel, but one more thought. I recently got to a meeting with Sister Lant (Gen. Primary Pres.) and she was talking about Christ coming to visit the Americas after his resurrection. He asked the parents to bring each child to Him so He could bless them. But the parents couldn't bring their children unless they brought themselves. I feel so strongly the need to be the BEST person I can so I can truly bring my kiddos to Christ.

Good luck!

AJ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
AJ said...

Love and Logic! I agree wholeheartedly. It will help save your sanity and prepare her for a lifetime of decision making. A friend handed me her book a few months ago and it has changed our life dramatically. The concept that really hit home for me is that if we are always telling our children what to do, they base their decisions on external voices. If we give them the tools to make their own decisions, we give them the opportunity to fall and learn how to make better decisions based on their experience. I would rather have my daughter fall a lot and make bad decisions at 6 so that she learns to trust her inner voice and disco ers how to make good decisions at 16. I'll loan you my book.

Brianna is beyond beautiful....stunning. It helps to have lots of support. We organized our own Mother Daughter Project group and it has helped immensely. I'll give you that book: http://www.themother-daughterproject.com/index.htm

You are an awesome Mom and Aaron is a wonderful Dad. She has a strong foundation and will end up being an amazing woman soon enough.

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