I really don't know how to begin this and well, I hope I can find the right words. They are certainly not making much sense in my head right now. But rather than not post for awhile, I feel that it would be nice to explain;)
Basically, I think I should take a blogger break. I am completely uninspired, and therefore uninspiring, and I think it shows. I have said often that my blog is my journal, which it is, but somehow recently I have felt that it is being written less for me and more for what I think others might want. It's the beauty of the blog world, really. To share oneself with those we know and those we don't and receive such beautiful feedback because of it. It has been rewarding and fulfilling and inspiring to say the least, and yet...I have wondered...if I am sharing the best and worst parts of me for the right reasons.
The worst thing that I could do for myself and for you is to forcefully and absentmindedly hit the publish button. Quantity does not mean quality, and I feel that my quality lacks. My heart is stretched in so many different directions right now that I keep wondering if something has to give. When my go-to for stress relief has become a stress in itself, perhaps, I should take a breath and regain my composure.
I worry that I will lose some readers (which I probably will). I worry that I will lose a very important daily and creative outlet in my life (which I will). But I worry more about my family and my spirit and why I feel that I have to prove something--that I am talented, or quick witted, or a frequent blog commenter--when I should really be showing that my life matters. That I am completely me. One who does not feel empty.
I feel so silly. Like I am moving away or something. It is likely that this break will be short lived. And maybe in a week or so I will regain my blog spirit and the quality I so desire to remember and give will return. But for now, I ache. I am really tired. I can't control how many hours are in a day, but I can control how they are filled. And right now, that needs to be my focus.
So for now....I will simply say...
I'll see you soon.