A new end. A new beginning.

We had a very Merry Christmas. You? The only downside was that I have been, and AM, very very sick. So sick in fact that I really should not be posting anything right now. I am afraid it has turned into Pneumonia.. but we're hoping sleep will cure my ever-weak coughing hacking chills hot headache feverish body asap.

But back to why I am posting...

This is the first year that I did not send out Christmas cards in oh...forever. By the beginning of the month I had good intentions. By the middle of the month I felt rushed and pressured and worried. By last week I said forget it. The time I have to spend with my family is worth more than taking the time to make and send a card to you. Sorry.. I hope all you lovelies don't take offense:) And isn't it odd... I can already name a dozen amazing women who said the same thing and didn't send one out this year either. It seems that priorities for many of us have shifted this year a bit due to time and focus.

BUT, have no fear. I do have a card to ring in the NEW YEAR. It's a beautiful new year that's a'comin. Don't you think?

I am grateful for the memories of this past year that are now taking a place in my heart.

I am grateful for the possibilities of this new year that are waiting to take their place in there, too.

i wish you

It's 5am. I've been up since 3am and I went to bed at 12am. I've tried to go back to sleep numerous times and it just won't come. That's 3 hours of sleep tonight. This is going to hit me HARD at about 1pm today. My staff at work is not going to be very happy with me. Watch out.

But, back to now when I am fully awake and can randomly take pics of my humble abode at 4am...

I had an amazing experience tonight-er-I mean yesterday. It was a time when I received an answer to a prayer, when I witnessed such generosity, and when the reason for this season came upon me more powerfully than I have ever experienced. Gratitude does not even begin to describe my feelings in this silent and early hour.

And so with stillness, and hope, and thankfulness in my heart,

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and more!

I wish you sparkles

I wish you kisses

I wish you jingle bells

I wish you light

I wish you remembrance

Roar

First we thought, "wow, this girl has some serious love for lions." You can't see it, but there are a zillion stuffed lions in the back window.

Then we saw that HE was wearing a lion hat.

ROARing with laughter over here...

four and waiting

Happy 4th birthday, my babe! (3 days ago on the 16th)

Following my super smart friend Mary's lead, I let Kai decorate his cake this year with a bit 'o guidance. Brianna was thrilled to make the lightening bolts. According to Kai,

the cake had to be SUPER.

I remember this day four years ago so clearly. He was due on Christmas Day, and frankly, there was no way that I was going to be okay with still being pregnant then. However, due to my "no interference" view, I was just going to have to deal with the possibility.

The night before I finished some last minute shopping (getting a car seat) and I was in so much pain that I had to sit down in the baby's r us rocking chair for at least 30 minutes. My friend tried to calm me down and rocked alongside me too.

The next morning around 2 am I knew I had to go to the hospital. We finally got there at four, and hubby was disappointed that I told him we didn't need to speed since I knew I was only at about a 6.

We called my mother-in-law at that point since she was 3 hours ahead, and she gasped and the tears came. It was the same day that Aaron's father had passed away. We knew Bob Stroud had something to do with it! Instead of mourning on this day like years past, we would be able to celebrate and we were so grateful.

For some reason, when I was at 9 cm by 5:30am, I told the nurse that my daughter had stopped breathing after she was born. I have no idea why I said that. I certainly wasn't thinking that it would happen again.

My labor was so hard. Excruciating. By this time at 9 1/2 cm I broke down and asked for drugs. I knew I could do without them, but you always have this peek of no return when you literally feel like you are dying. This was MUCH faster than Brianna and so much more pain.

A bit after 6am with 2 pushes he was born. And then he stopped breathing and was rushed to the NICU. I had to stay in the hospital bed waiting again for 4 days without a baby. I cannot tell you how dark and hard that was. On the 5th day he was well enough to go home, and I also cannot express how amazing that was!

My son, whom I had waited so long for, was home with me healthy and hungry. He was so worth the wait.

He was, and still is, a Christmas gift to all of us.

wrapping and such

This is so embarrasing to admit, but for some reason I require myself to have the best wrapped presents compared to everyone else. My sis-in-law Carmella concurs that I am psychotic about it because every year she mentions that my wrapping is the prettiest and I say, "I know, right?!"

Thank goodness we are having our Christmas with just our little family again. That way, I can have a break from my psychotic behavior. Regardless, here are some adorable gift tags for you to download. I love super great stuff like this to make you look better than everyone else. Did I just say that outloud?

She cried

(love this old picture with the bandaids...face scars...milk residue)

Yesterday my co-worker sat on my couch and cried. It was a short cry, but she cried nonetheless. I'm used to seeing her tears because she's one of the sweetest and most sensitive of all earthly spirits. Her life has been so very hard. Her pain has turned into self-preservation. She's a single mom. She has baggage(don't we all?). She's just a regular gal who has so many reasons to cry.

But this time her crying was different.

We had just returned from a meeting in Bremerton, Wa. We left at 6:45am, missed our Ferry from Seattle to Bremerton at 7:45am by 5 minutes, waited for the 8:45am Ferry, rode 1 hour, and made it to our meeting by 10am. After our 4 hour meeting we spent our time in reverse (minus the missing the ferry part) and had a glorious encounter with I-405 traffic.

Because of her funny anxiety of Ferry rides in general, I tried to distract her by talking.

I talked a lot.

I introduced her to the fabulous musician that IS Damien Rice. His words are so very deep, befitting for our gloomy day and exhaustion and traveling. While we listened I talked about my husband forever. Swooned over him, really. Telling how we met, how we disliked each other at first, how I was a challenge, how we fell in love. I talked about how hard this life is, but did you know that we chose it? Did she know that we knew what we were getting into and that we chose it anyway? I told her she was brave...worth more than she feels she is worth...that she deserves better.

Normally, as her boss, I would never have been so open. But I honestly could not stop. My words flowed. My heart yearned to say more, and so I did.

After we arrived home I invited her in to look at my Christmas tree. I finally put all my decorations up and they really do put such cheer in my humble abode. We gave her some dinner to take home because hubby made too much. My son tackled her like a football player pleading for attention. My husband sang/played his guitar(as a singer she can appreciate it.) It had only been twenty minutes since she walked in my door.

Then she cried.

She said that she has been in so many homes, but none like ours. She had never met people like us. She was in awe that we sacrificed so much to be here. That we work so hard. That we do things unselfishly. That we loved each other. She said it gave her hope. She said she was grateful to know us.

I was shocked. We're so ordinary. We're so dramatic. We're so silly-crazy. We're quite rowdy, for sure! Why would she cry?

And then my husband played one more song that he wrote for me as our children ran wildly around the room. Suddenly, my heart filled with gratitude for him and for our hard but so-worth-it life.

I understood it now. My life, with all it's chaos, is extraordinary, and I cried too.

Hello, Georgia.

Can you feel the muggy air?

Can you hear the crickets?

Can you smell bacon and grits?

Hello, Georgia.

And for you folks who don't know what this picture is...

These are gourds made into bird houses.

I stumbled upon this photo tonight and I fell in love with a rush of memories. It's the first thing you see when you walk out the front door and look across the road at the farm.


Want one?


Leave a comment and enter to win one for you and one for a friend. AND, I'll send you some REAL Georgia cotton fresh off the field 'cuz I got the cotton hook up in the South. (oh ya... and because my hubby brought some back for me:)

This is what the cotton looks like...

and if you want this picture instead, that's fine too!

Eight is Great

She was baptized.

We are so thankful to have such a beautiful girl and to have experienced such a sweet moment.

Let's be honest {I have a lack 'o Christmas cheer}

My husband hates it when I say that. I guess I say it a lot, and he always says, "Carrie, I never assume that you arn't being honest."

But truly, right now, I am honestly saying that I am depressed about Christmas decorating.

I don't want to do it. The realization that I live in a tiny apartment = no longer a bright and spacious house hense space to decorate = Christmas decorating sadness.

I am really really sad.

But I saw this picture today and suddenly my senses awakened. I thought, "Carrie, get yourself together. Decorate already. You NEED to."

And so I will, hopefully when my plate is less full this weekend. I'll get my boxes out and unpackage my prized nativity and sparkle the place up a bit.

Even if it's only for a few weeks, it's time to bring on the Christmas cheer.

Let's be honest.

Virtual Recipe Exchange

(good gosh--check out these cookie presentations)

I had an idea. Since most of my friends are very far away, overseas even, a Christmas cookie exchange with my favorite people is out of the question. So how do I go about getting the recipes for such treats?

Enter my love of blogs...

Post a recipe on your blog and then leave a comment that you did and I will post the link to it on here. The recipe can be anything you make for the holidays-- dessert, side dish, you name it! Just as long as it's your ultimate favorite. It would also be great if you could post something on your blog about WHY it's a must-have in your holiday home.

If you could do it before Sunday the 13th that would be great too...
*And if your blog is private but you would still like to share, just send your recipe to carriestroud@gmail.com and I will post it on mine.

Let the recipe gift giving begin!

Winter Wonder

I cannot even describe how incredible our evening was in Leavenworth, Wa this past weekend. My MIL was visiting from Georgia and at the last minute we decided to drive 2 1/2 hours East to enjoy the most magical Christmas experience I have had since my childhood.

It was so very cold, but the large crowd lined the main street of the small German town to listen to Christmas carols and watch the town light up at dusk. One of the most tearful moments for me was when the crowd began to sing Silent Night; first in English and then in German. I was actually raised singing the German version every Christmas because my parents lived there before I was born. I knew the words (one of the few in the crowd), and the tears came as I sang it in a whisper.

Stille Nacht,

heilige Nacht,

Alles schläft; einsam wacht

Nur das traute hochheilige Paar

Holder Knabe im lockigen Haar,

Schlaf in himmlischer Ruh!

Schlaf in himmlischer Ruh!

Then, like in a perfect holiday movie, it began to snow. Parents pulled their children on sleds and Kai would not stop spinning in circles on the icy streets. It was so beautiful. This magical experience will definitely become a tradition for us.

Frohe Weihnachten!

chills

My body aches.

Chills.
Cough.
Need Chamomile.

And still...

I'm obsessed.

love that mama kin